Miss Muffet's Mistake (Poetry)

Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet made
from natural Fairtrade wheat.
Her curds and whey organic, too —
‘green’ as her hippie seat.

A large and friendly spider saw
Miss Muffet having lunch
but she took fright — her M&S
lace panties in a bunch.

He caught her hand in a silk thread
and begged her not to go —
his voice was soft, his smile sincere
she wavered, keen to show

she wasn’t prejudiced against
his rather scary kind —
as a budding entomologist
she kept an open mind.

And so he took advantage —
slyly failing to correct
by saying an arachnid
isn’t classed as an insect.

So Miss Muffet calmly sat there —
blonde as blonde could be —
while he knitted her a jacket.
Then he ate her for his tea.