No Sweat (Poetry)

Stay dry and comfortable all day -
it's guaranteed, the adverts say
no stickiness, no tell-tale patch,
however strenuous the match
your damp-proofed armpits will remain
tightly sealed throughout the game.

It's nice to know that, in a clinch,
you've total pong-free confidence -
those openings from pungent glands
efficiently and sweetly dammed -
instead the scents of cedar, pine
with notes of citrus all combine,

replace those natural body smells -
too-honest sweat from working cells -
that rise, their primitive appeal
denied, false fragrances conceal
every whiff of perspiration,
squirt another application

of Ultra Dry or Sure For Men
block those pores, shut off again
raw bio-chemical emissions
oozing, stimulating passions -
as though the modern woman should
respond to men who reek of wood.