Tales From The Punishment Room (Poetry)

He wooed me with a crucifix
he teased me with a gun
the handcuffs were a special treat
the flagellation fun

Oh let me twist your arm! he cried
you are a naughty nun!
he was a vicar with a bent
and not the only one

He had me dangling in chains
he pinned me to the wall
and whispered crude ungodly things
he bounced a rubber ball

He rode me round and slapped my rump
I neighed and tossed my head
he had me scratch his every itch
you are a sport, he said

There’s nothing wrong with naughty games
the kinky stuff is fine
but custard tarts and aubergines
is where I draw the line

No no, Cherie! I told him firm
I don’t do food or fruit
try Asda — they stay open late
he shot off in pursuit