The Nature Of Pain (Poetry)

Why did it pick me —
was I somehow due
for this suffering
and unwittingly
amassed enough points?

I don’t recollect
buying a ticket
to such a vicious
dark sort of raffle
pain as the first prize

Whatever angel’s
charged with guarding me
clearly left his post —
went on holiday
godless years ago

Is this punishment
and, if so, for what?
Some unshriven sin
I’ve long-since forgot?
Would it help to know?

Could I bear it more —
maybe soothe a nerve
if I understood
it’s what I deserve?
Would it seem more fair?