The One I Recognise (Poetry)

I don’t see myself
the way the world sees me
I see myself backwards
in the mirror’s blurry surface
and that image often lies
according to the lighting —
sometimes flattering
if the window light is soft
greyed and natural
through the frosting
but not when drawn in harsh
and aging lines
by the artificial
garish and unfriendly
overhead fluorescent
clicking on and off
flashbulb-snappy
and less than kind

I’d rather see myself
in the misted-over-porthole
of bath night —
playing what-the-mermaid-saw
imagining the fantasy
pearl-dropped magic
in some waterland
half-seen and hiding
otherness behind a veil

The aqua-self is preferable —
she swims blue-green
behind my eyes
she’s the one I recognise
as me