The Secretary's Love Song (Poetry)

Dedicated to every PA who has ever been hopelessly in love with her boss.

Tom Fortesque-West, Tom Fortesque-West —
my hero — my heart-throb — the one I love best —
the cream in my coffee — the gleam in my eye —
my quickening pulse as I watch you pass by ...

I dream that you’ll notice how stylishly dressed
and eager I am — aren’t you awfully impressed
with the speed of my shorthand and neatness of type —
your letters so crisp — folded just as you like?

Oh, Tom Fortesque-West, Tom Fortesque-West —
I’ve yearned for you — burned for you — slaved without rest.
I’ve poured your Darjeeling and straightened your tie —
there is no one adores you more truly than I!

I’ve fluttered my lashes and pouted my lips
but you seem quite immune to such feminine tricks.
I’m all out of ideas — I just haven’t a clue
how to win the impossible prize that is you.

I’ve watched you play cricket — I’ve cheered for your team —
such keenness for sport touching on the extreme
when ardent affection bursts free from my chest —
for my love is unstinting, Tom Fortesque-West!

My lord of the boardroom — my company’s king —
my broad-shouldered master — you are everything
a woman could wish for ... Oh, have you not guessed? —
My heart’s in your pocket, Tom Fortesque-West!