Weather Warning (poetry)

The rain in Spain stays mainly on the plain —
that’s the place, traditionally, it pours
and perpetual damp can drive a man insane —
too wet to ever déjeuner outdoors.

Seems spanish rain is fiercer than in France —
freezing as it soaks right to the bone
pneumonia’s quite common — do not chance
an ill-prepared vacation in that zone.

Pack wellingtons, take waders, buy a boat —
waterproofs and thermals are a must
learn to swim or master how to float
and leave behind all items prone to rust.

Flippers and a lifebelt round one’s chest
might seem taking wise precautions a bit far
but the forecast’s unreliable at best
so weld an outboard motor to your car.

When it’s coming down in stair rods and the mud
is knee deep and the river level’s high
you’ll be well-equiped as Noah on the flood
with that told you so expression in his eye.

A trip abroad’s no fun without some dramas —
all travel has its pleasures and its pain
just live to tell of washed-out panoramas
and how all your best laid plans went down the drain.