Where Are They Now? (Poetry)

Lord Lucan runs the local pub,
Elvis owns the chippy,
Maxwell's got a coffee shop,
Ron Hubbard's Mr. Whippy

and leaves His holy ice cream van
on double yellow lines
while diehard followers queue up
to pay His parking fines.

Atkins manages a gym -
Old Nick became unhealthy,
Bob's diet nearly did for him
but made the doctor wealthy.

Hitler works in Do It All -
a paint-n-decorator,
while Stalin teaches self defence
down the Adult Learning Centre.

Tutankhamun's real estate
invests in what is sound
but nowadays new pyramids
are thin upon the ground

so he's making do with tower blocks -
Canary Wharf and such -
preserving bodies in the piles
and saving megabucks.

As Byron's on some foreign trip,
Crowley's writing sonnets -
he's mellowed somewhat over time,
wears bustiers and bonnets.

Rasputin's giving lecture tours -
does all the WIs,
the ladies love his wispy beard
and wicked Russian eyes.

He speaks on unilateral themes -
disarmament and peace -
his uniform a beanie hat,
black Levis and a fleece.

The famous and the infamous
have joined a rehab scheme
and relocated, changed their names,
their former lives a dream.